Breaking the old patterns

how does one change a characteristic one possesses ? I mean the tendency to fear happiness.. the urge to look back .. the need to expect something wrong when everything is going just fine.. HOW DOES ONE CHANGE THIS DREADFUL HABIT??? One becomes accoustomed to expect failure, unhappines and fears or gets surprised if opposite happens... No solution on the horizon.. HELP!
 I guess help will come from inside of me.. with awareness comes scrutiny, with scrutiny comes acceptance and with acceptance comes resolution of our problems..
But they say.. only awarenes is voluntary but acceptance is a blessing one receives from God!!! No amount of wishful prayers will bring the grace of God upon us..

Hope to better self

As life unfolds, I am struck with a feeling of regret or remorse about precious moments of time lost or wasted in sadness, laziness and in search of direction, but then I realise that after all, I am  WORK IN PROGRESS!!!!
Then it is prudent to look back in reflection and evaluate , whether  I am an improvement of my old self or have regressed . However, caution be excercised, lest one gets lost in the retributions and blaming.
But this looking back helps one in ascertaining the road travelled and gives you the choice of changing the direction of life or move on the same path.
 

my tryst with meditation!!!

In the stillness of the morning, i mean stillness and not dullness or numbness that comes with lack of sleep!, you really have no one to blame but yourself about the noise, chaos that you hear from inside of you... The sheer speed and frequency of random thoughts in your brain is disturbing. All the lessons, tips about meditation seem to fail.The calm lake of your mind resembles a sea with repeated tides rumbling on the shores..

I have spent countless mornings troubled by the inability to be still... the tides of thoughts never seem to cease.. the more I try to quieten the noise, the noisier it becomes!

Then I realised, the trick is to watch the thoughts ripple the lake and not worry about making them go away!WOW! 

Soon it will become a hobby of sorts! to watch your thoughts... till that stage, it is a struggle.

Is suppression of anger worse than its expression??? unable to decide...

suppression may lead to illness or hurt inwards whereas expression may lead to hurt feelings and chain reaction of cause and effect...

Is anger another aspect of fear???

Cause I think, the only two things that run the world.. Love and fear.

What is the purpose of writing a blog? is it seeking an audiance or viewers? or merely self expression? I am confused!! I believe that each person feels the need to be understood and appriciated by others or atleast his/her loved ones. Every one of us would like to believe that we are not alone or lonely in this big world, but there is someone out there who acknowledges our existance and admires the same. That we belong... 

But why is this need so pressing? I guess ... our mind and body make us forget that our soul is a tiny part of the creator and our soul is never far away or apart from our creator. Hence this desperate attempt to verify, feel that we are not alone or abandoned... blogging is like trying to create a link which would lead to oneself. Come and know me, I am a beautiful but tiny part of the creator.. unique like a snowflake!

Honesty

Honesty to me is an essential characteristic or  a basic principal of life.

It is observed that children or more accurately, infants, are naturally honest. honest to their needs, emotions and honest in their expressions. Children as they grow older learn from us, adults, certain benefits of dishonesty. (though most of us would agree that the benefits are often short lived, short term) And the principal of honesty takes a back seat in the instantly gratifying glamour of dishonesty.

A child realises the benefits of crying louder to get instant attention of its mother. There begins the rule of power by using  honesty and/or  dishonesty .

What is Honesty??? being truthful, to your self, your feelings.Honesty is a virtue (usually) which allows you to be free.. free from the burden of proof. It makes your heart light.. It also leaves your brain free from worry cause you don't have to remember truth, It permits you to sleep peacefully at nights..

Honesty however, has to carefully used if it is to be used to judge others. because what may be true for you, may not be so for others! And many would agree that it can be a thorny crown if one chooses to be honest in speech, action or expression... it may earn you more enemies than friends!!!

On a philosophical note, honesty is like nature , beautiful but harsh. whether you like it or not. It has its good side and a bad one too. Just like all things in this world full of duality.

Guidance

Guidance to me comes from books and also from astrological predictions!!

When I read a book, it feels as if it is written for me..

Astrlogical predictions just point to the dilemmas I am facing and try to show me the way...

Most of the time, words of advice, I mean words from any passage in a book just appear in Bold and seem to be floating upwards .. just waiting for me to notice . As I read and reread the words something inside me moves and tears well up.. some nerve is touched. Although I have noticed that these words of wisdom are almost always bitter and try to push my selfish thoughts away and leave behind a lump in my throat.. as if telling me to swallow my pride and ego and accept the truth.

I think guidance is needed when the mind, body and soul or spirit are not in consonance. When one feels something is amiss, its probably because either of these three aspects of self are not on the same page.. so to say. It is because of the sheer power of your habit or your sanskar that one refuses to acknowledge that there is something wrong with one's world... and goes on living life on an autopilot as if , life is supposed to be this way.. a burden.

And then... nature forces one to look at the problem when the weight threatens to crush you.Why? because knowingly or unknowingly you have forgotten to balance your experience/life on the tripod of the mind, body and soul.

It is at such times, books beckon to me and speak to me... they make me aware that I need to look at my life and set the balance right. 

But I believe that the best guidance comes from within. It is uncanny how I hear unexpected words bubble up inside me just when my mind is busy trying to find a way.( Not to mention that usually the words proclaim exactly that which my mind does not want to acknowledge!) 

Have you ever seen a movie with subtitles in a foreign language? you may not know the language, but your attention always travels to the subtitles!! making you uncomfortable... and you find that you can't concentrate on the movie!! When your mind , body and soul are not in sync, you get the same feeling.. Movie goes on but what are the subtitles saying??

What guides you? 

I think for some dreams are a guide, everyone follows a different guide. If one knows his or her guide, it is easier bring life and experiences on the path one wants to lead. 

And I think the best way to find your guide is to listen to your inner voice. Oh yes and trust it. Call it by any name intuition, dreams, voice of your guru.... Trust the guide within to  lead you to the path of growth, enlightenment.