Breaking the old patterns

how does one change a characteristic one possesses ? I mean the tendency to fear happiness.. the urge to look back .. the need to expect something wrong when everything is going just fine.. HOW DOES ONE CHANGE THIS DREADFUL HABIT??? One becomes accoustomed to expect failure, unhappines and fears or gets surprised if opposite happens... No solution on the horizon.. HELP!
 I guess help will come from inside of me.. with awareness comes scrutiny, with scrutiny comes acceptance and with acceptance comes resolution of our problems..
But they say.. only awarenes is voluntary but acceptance is a blessing one receives from God!!! No amount of wishful prayers will bring the grace of God upon us..

Hope to better self

As life unfolds, I am struck with a feeling of regret or remorse about precious moments of time lost or wasted in sadness, laziness and in search of direction, but then I realise that after all, I am  WORK IN PROGRESS!!!!
Then it is prudent to look back in reflection and evaluate , whether  I am an improvement of my old self or have regressed . However, caution be excercised, lest one gets lost in the retributions and blaming.
But this looking back helps one in ascertaining the road travelled and gives you the choice of changing the direction of life or move on the same path.
 

my tryst with meditation!!!

In the stillness of the morning, i mean stillness and not dullness or numbness that comes with lack of sleep!, you really have no one to blame but yourself about the noise, chaos that you hear from inside of you... The sheer speed and frequency of random thoughts in your brain is disturbing. All the lessons, tips about meditation seem to fail.The calm lake of your mind resembles a sea with repeated tides rumbling on the shores..

I have spent countless mornings troubled by the inability to be still... the tides of thoughts never seem to cease.. the more I try to quieten the noise, the noisier it becomes!

Then I realised, the trick is to watch the thoughts ripple the lake and not worry about making them go away!WOW! 

Soon it will become a hobby of sorts! to watch your thoughts... till that stage, it is a struggle.